I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
