Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
