Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
