I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
meet me or not, i'm out of control
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
