its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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