i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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