Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
