she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
