Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You were trust falling into bushes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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