i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
