I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!