If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.