dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.