my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
