i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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