There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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