the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Randomize
