How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
