Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
