She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
