New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
