I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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