This dress was meant to end up on your floor
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
