some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
