Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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