Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
