No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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