In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
