Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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