My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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