Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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