She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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