i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Randomize
