even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
