An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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