just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
