She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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