I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
