they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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