So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
