you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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