you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
