marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
