When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
