As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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