My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
