Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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