Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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