I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
