She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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