I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
