he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
