i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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