So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
