well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
