i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
