Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
So. Much. Porn.
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