I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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