The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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