i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
