Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
