I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
